It has been 11 yrs that I have been in depression, I am 25 now. I have been living in a hope that ‘One Day’ I will get better. That ‘One Day’ never came but each year my situation got even worse. Yes there are some external/superficial/materialistic factors which makes me depressed but then I think that even if I correct them will I be happy? Of course, no. I have been shy and lonely all my life since childhood. From childhood I have been told by my parents, friends, teachers, everyone that its a flaw. I spent most of the time with myself. I craved for love, recognition and positive comments but never got any, never. I never had any relationship, never kissed a girl, never even hugged anyone including my parents. To make the matters worst I am really an honest guy with an altruistic nature. I always put others welfare before mine. But I learned that it is not a desired characteristic in a human being. I am so tired of listening "He is a nice guy" and thats it. People have always come to me whenever they wanted help but never asked me otherwise. I sacrificed all my life for others but never got anything in return. I feel so unimportant just like someone invites you to a party and you don’t show up, who cares, it doesn’t matter. I realized that everyone is selfish and self-serving. I was the only fool to care about others. Neither funny, nor good looking, nor rich, and not even intelligent, why would anyone be interested in me? I met a German girl online (I live in Paris btw) who became a very good friend of mine. I gave her a hint about my situation and she always tries to motivate me. She wants to meet me but I am too afraid as firstly she will be appalled by my appearance and she will find out how pathetic I really am. Now I don’t trust people even if they say something nice about me. I feel like they are just pretending. During childhood I had imaginary friends and family. The problem is, I still have them. Whenever I felt lonely, mentally disturbed, depressed I used to turn to my imaginary family for love and consolation which i never got in real life. Every night I used to sleep thinking about them who never existed. The things have got so much worse that even in my dream world, problems have started to arise. I am afraid to sleep because I have ran out of pleasant thoughts. My mind is always occupied by negative thoughts and worst things happening to me. I have lost all hope in humanity. No matter what people say i don’t trust them anymore. I have become skeptical, cynical, paranoid and worst a misanthrope. I have so many diseases that i have lost the count, i have anger management problems, bipolar disorder which i aquired genetically from my father. I saw him suffer all his life, now its my turn, i know it, it will never end, like a black hole. I have voilent tendancies although i never harmed anyone physically but maybe I will reach that phase soon. I thought of having a counselling but then I dont have money to afford it and I am ‘skeptical’ about whether it will really work or just a waste of time. Yes i know my problem is not the worst, I have seen people in worse situation than me but I am not mature enough to learn from it. I feel helpless all the time. Its 2 AM in Paris and I have office tomorrow yet I don’t know why I took 1 hour to write this BS who nobody cares about. 3 yrs back i wrote the similar crap on yahoo and here I am again! Yes, I have suicidal tendencies. Anyways, who cares, I am expendable.

I have been corresponding with this marriage counselor online for the past few months. His last subject, "How do you know when to Quit?" I read it and here was my response to him: I’m sorry to say it’s time to quit. There’s been infidelity, definitely broken trust; emotional neglect/abuse; The "brink of divorce" came in 2007, when he secretly went to see an attorney for legal advice. I found out because his dad paid for the "retainer fee" when my husband brought the remainder of the check home to give back to his dad. I am totally bored with this man. He is very stubborn and is "always right." He hides savings/money from me; limits me with the amount of money I can use in our "joint checking account"; we go through days of silent treatment; the sex was great (not anymore, babe), but I think he uses that as an assurance that everything is OK between us. There is definitely a communication problem in this household. We have three young adult daughters living with us. Two in college in the early 20′s; one still in high school, 17. They all agree there is a communication problem in this household, and who by the way they always side with him about everything, and as far as he concerned, "they never do anything wrong"; he doesn’t appreciate me, and refuses to go to marriage counselling "because nothing’s wrong with our marriage, it’s me". Here lately, all we do is yell at each other, in front of the kids, of course. He can’t seem to discuss anything with me in private. I have been home for 20 years plus raising my three daughters. I think he is miserable, too, but he won’t go see a lawyer because he "doesn’t want to give up any of "his" money". Hey, come one, doesn’t he know that half of his income, property, etc., is mine? In earlier years, my husband would cut me down, I would run upstairs to our bedroom, shut the door and cry. He has done this our whole marriage. He keeps money hidden from me, won’t let me have access to our savings acccount, either by papers statements or online. I am not to know anything about money. He as a 401k that he won’t share information about with me. We have an equity line of credit on our home and he says "I have no access to it and can not use it for anything should I need something". He put the thing in his name and his name only, even though I signed the Deed of Trust with the bank. No one at the banks we use will even discuss anything with me about any of the accounts that exist because "my name’s not on the account". He bought a 2004 Pontiac Grand Prix a year and a half ago. He won’t let me drive, it. He won’t even give me a key to it. Again, what’s his is mine. Right? He tells me to "Just go out and get a job." I want to pursue a paralegal career. I am a legal secretary and want to get a "good" job. (I may need it). He won’t support or pay for me taking any classes online to pursue a better career. He says my going back to work as a paralegal won’t start for me with a "bang." I am 48. I don’t look my age and don’t feel my age. He didn’t support me when my mother was ill with Alzheimers in 2001. He wasn’t there for me when she passed. All this had (in the past, I’m OK now) put me in a deep depression. So bad that I had to be hospitalized for two weeks last year, (had gotten down to 115 pounds), wouldn’t eat etc., received electro-compulsive therapy and medications. I now doing fine now, all off medications. While I was depressed, he would make "fun" of me. I remember pacing outside in the front yard. He would stop his yardwork and pace with me. Why didn’t he pick up on the signals of my depression? Why didn’t he call someone for help for me? I remember even asking him to "help me." Nothing. I was on so much medication that I can not remember years (seriously) of my life. Seven to be exact. I am now so angry with him, I want out. He won’t change and won’t go to counselling because "It’s my fault things are this way." I don’t have any money or anywhere I can go. What do I do?

a little bit of background info…

him: 34, never completed high school, works under the table doing construction, but work is very sketchy. has openly admitted several times to have no drive or desire to do anything with his life and has said he sees it as pointless cause someone from my or his family will die eventually and we will get money then. also claims that if he does not drink every night then he is unable to sleep. often tells me and our children that we ruined his life and took away his freedom, has as little to do with the kids as possible…on the flip side tho, he’s extremely good mechanically and with fixing things, and will drop anything he’s doing if his friends need his help, no matter when it is or what for. so i know he’s capable of doing stuff.

me: 26, in school for financial advising (online courses, from a local college) stay at home mom, in charge of the children, their school stuff, the household, and currently seeking a part time day job. i’m a social drinker, drank on july 4th, at the halloween party, and new years, haven’t touched anything since then, nor do i desire to. i’m very goal driven, i set high expectations for myself and my family, and i want to see them met, or atleast a real effort to meet the goals. i’m also a bit short tempered at times, esp with my husband and often tell him to do something with his life or shut up about it already.

together: 9 years, married 8, with 3 daughters, ages: 7, 6, and 5

problem: his lack of ambition clashes with my desire to better my life. he’s talked many times about going back to school, getting a stable job with benefits, learning about computers and IT, and much more, but every time when it’s came down to it, he has so many excuses why he can’t or won’t try. and he recently (within the past few months) started telling me that despite what he says, he really has no drive to do any of it. of course i get mad, and tell him he’s being a deadbeat and that with 3 daughters to provide for he needs to do something with his life and quit his bs because he’s not getting any younger (neither am i) and we’ve got kids who depend on us. he tells me to hurry up and finish my degree cause once that happens he can stay at home and not have to worry about getting a job cause i’ll be making decent money. my reaction is, heck no, you better do your part, this is your family too, quit being a slacker, man up and do something. he tells me if i don’t like the way he chooses to be, there’s the door, get out or deal with it. being currently unemployed with no family in the area (both my parents are dead) i can’t just leave and walk out, esp with the kids, knowing that right now i can’t provide for them, and i sure would not just leave them with him either. a big part of me wants out! i know he’s not going to try and improve his life or get a real career, he’s proven that, and i’ve given him 9 years to show me that he will, and he never has even really made any effort to, and it’s driving me to my breaking point.

-i’ve suggested counseling, he refused saying that if i see any problems, then i must be the one with all the problems.
-i’ve offered to help him study as much as possible if he’d agree to at least get his ged, he said that’s just a waste of time and all a diploma does is prove your a certified idiot.
-he’s very interested in automotive, and i’ve suggested he get ase certified, of course that idea got shot down as well.
-says he’s trying to get partnered with youtube through google ads to make money that way, it seems like a major long shot in the dark to me for that to happen…

anyways, what does everyone think? i know i’m tempermental, i’ll admit that, but he is driving me insane with his lack of anything in life…no real job, no drive, no goals, no ambition, etc…(and this doesn’t even touch on the girls i’ve found him talking to on craigslist or the people he trashed me to behind my back calling me a witch (with a b) saying i try to tell him how to live, that i ruined all his happiness and freedom, etc… please…help?! advice?!

I have spent the last 16 years in nursing. ( I originally went into nursing because I was unemployed and nobody would give me a job and I created a new career as a nurse for myself).

I have hated nursing, but have stuck with it because I have had two children to provide for and my wife has always worked part time. Now I have had enough.

I have lost my job as a nurse because I have fallen out with my employers. Because of something they have done – not me.

I don’t want to spend a single second working as a nurse again. I have worked in all kinds of nursing jobs. Medical wards, surgical wards, A &E, clinics , agency and bank etc

Now I feel like I am on the scrapheap at 38. I have just started to sign on and claim benefits but I just want to be happy and to have a happy job and career.

I have always wanted to write and that has always been my dream and I really hope to do that one day but it won’t pay the bills yet ! But I feel it is what I was born to do.

I do read the tarot cards and am thinking of trying my luck at doing it full time ( as a business) but don’t know if I can make enough money by doing that ? I do enjoy it. And I have made small amounts of money online by helping people with my readings.

I wouldn’t mind becoming a photographer but that seems a long way off and there doesn’t seem much chance of that making money. Considering I can’t even afford a flippin camera !
I wouldn’t mind becoming a freelance journalist for local papers but I’m not sure how I can go about getting stories and I have no journalism degrees etc.

Most of the jobs in the job centre are really poor pay compared to nursing and I am scared to death of being on the dole forever.

I am feeling pretty low one minute and optimistic the next.

I can’t affird to do any big courses to retrain. I have debts ( about £ 7000 ) and a degree is out of the question.

One option is just to spend the rest of my life being a journey man and doing different jobs for the rest of my life, no matter how crappy they sound. That way I will get lots of new skills and even variety. Maybe I would even find a job I like. I have worked as a nurse for so long , I really have no experience in doing anything else.

Please please if anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it. Its christmas and I feel like my life has sunk like the titanic and at 38 I am not a young man or an old man.

Please help,

Paul

A brief background ( incase you are still reading)

I was bullied psychologically and physically at school from the age of 7 -15. I recieved no help or counselling and as a result I failed all my exams. Not for want of trying. I went to college and passed all the exams over 2 years and was all set for a career in law. Passed to Alevels and then met a girl. Got engaged and her family persuaded me to pack it in and get a job in a camping shop, which I hated. ( I was foolish, I should have told them to mind their own business. But foolishly I listened)

Then she lreft me for another guy and over the next months I lost my job, spent a while on the dole and then worked my way up in nursing.

And here I am all these years later.

I am sorry this question is so long and I really appreciate your time in reading it. But I just need some help and advice. I want to build my life up again.

Paul

My husband has had a porn addiction for a long time. He confessed it to me around a year ago and we talked a lot about solutions. I’m not ok with him looking at porn. I certainly don’t deny him and he claims that I am the sexiest woman in the world. I understand, though, that he has a problem so we talked about maybe trying new positions and stuff to make him more interested in sex between us instead of looking at other girls. I told him that I will be understanding when he messes up as long as he is honest with me and I don’t have to find out (because I always do at some point)
Friday night I checked on the email that he had been using to save naked pictures that he had of real girls (not porno models) He told me he would delete it and I warned him that eventually I would check to see if he kept his word. He didn’t and I also found several emails from dating sites that he had joined. I packed up clothes for me and our 6 month old daughter and called my mom. She came and got me and I didn’t talk to my husband until last night.
We chatted for a while online discussing what he had talked about with our friend (he called our friend who is a pastor and a counselor when he realized what I had left for. I’ve never taken off like that before) and what we were going to do.
I explained my feelings to him and asked him to explain his. We discussed that and we discussed solutions like we always have. This time, though, I’ve told him that he needs the help because I can’t stand to continually be deceived when I’ve been more than understanding about his problem. So he is staying with his mom for a while and I told him that he can come get our daughter any time he is off work and of course on the days that he has his other daughter so that they can see each other. I just don’t want him at the house. I told him that eventually I would join his counseling and we would work together to be a couple again, but for now I need space. I think that I will eventually start missing the good things about him and then I’ll join his counseling and we’ll start dating again. Hopefully by that time he has made enough progress that he can be honest with me and I’ll help to keep him accountable until he is (for the most part) over his addiction.
What do you think?
Well I’m not ok with porn at all! But I know that he has an addiction and no matter how well he beats it he will always be an addict who could regress at any time. Before we are back to where we used to be, though, I want him to be in a serious stage of "remission" if you know what I mean.
He is staying with his MOM! She has her computer in a public area and he will rarely be home enough to use it anyway! He works 2 jobs. If he still finds time to look at porn AND cheat then he’s pretty amazing, but we’re done.

For the past year and a half, my mom has been… drifting away. Lately she has been taking out her anger on me. It seems as though I am the problem for everthing. She just complains to me about how much she hates her job(she owns a business, stressfull I know), how I need to help out more. I have asked her what I can do to help, but she says oh nothing everything is in ship shape.

Yesterday we went to the mall, and I asked her if I could get a pair of jeans. She said sure. At the cash register, she said, well don’t just stand there pay for it! At that point, I was dumbfounded. She was making me pay for my own clothing. I know later in life I am going to have to, but I’m 11. I am too young to get a job. The only money I get is from reading. (<– a penny a page. it adds up). She doesn’t want to work out a plan for an allowance. She blew up at me in the car yesterday telling me, "well duh your supposed to pay for your own stuff! I know you have money!". I have dollars. I am saving up so I can order vans. Then she started telling me how people kids don’t earn money just to have it, they get it because they want something. Of course, I know that. I want vans, and she won’t buy them. I can get them online for . She says why not just go to the actual store and get them? I say because that would be wasting away that could be use for something better.

She also told me that she has gone to 3 counselers because of me. She was telling me she didn’t know what to do. Should she put me into counseling? Should she go back into therapy?(Yes, she had been in therapy before. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Ten times worse then PMS.) Then she told me that the most likely thing was to send me off to boarding school. I burst into tears. Boarding School? Not just would that make it worse, it would affect both her and I for the rest of my life. We wouldn’t get to see eachother, we would drift apart, she wouldn’t know at all what I was doing. I would be away from my friends. And my best friend. Boarding School just doesn’t seem the way to go.

So what should I do? I have tried to talk to her, but she never listens. She won’t admit to that though. I don’t know what to do anymore! I hate her more than I love her. She lives in the same house, so I have to deal with these problems. I have thought about suicide, I don’t have the guts to do it though. Is it me, or her? I just don’t know anymore. I’m confused, lost.

I can’t seem to find an answer for this. I would think this is one of the first questions asked. I’m looking to get a degree to become a social worker. DHS does not require a social work degree in it’s strick sense. A degree in Human Services, criminial justice. counseling, etc will land you a job. FL. Tech offers an Applied Psychology degree in Child Advocasy that appeals to me but the price per credit hour is high. Any advice?

I have spent the last 16 years in nursing. ( I originally went into nursing because I was unemployed and nobody would give me a job and I created a new career as a nurse for myself).

I have hated nursing, but have stuck with it because I have had two children to provide for and my wife has always worked part time. Now I have had enough.

I have lost my job as a nurse because I have fallen out with my employers. Because of something they have done – not me.

I don’t want to spend a single second working as a nurse again. I have worked in all kinds of nursing jobs. Medical wards, surgical wards, A &E, clinics , agency and bank etc

Now I feel like I am on the scrapheap at 38. I have just started to sign on and claim benefits but I just want to be happy and to have a happy job and career.

I have always wanted to write and that has always been my dream and I really hope to do that one day but it won’t pay the bills yet ! But I feel it is what I was born to do.

I do read the tarot cards and am thinking of trying my luck at doing it full time ( as a business) but don’t know if I can make enough money by doing that ? I do enjoy it. And I have made small amounts of money online by helping people with my readings.

I wouldn’t mind becoming a photographer but that seems a long way off and there doesn’t seem much chance of that making money. Considering I can’t even afford a flippin camera !
I wouldn’t mind becoming a freelance journalist for local papers but I’m not sure how I can go about getting stories and I have no journalism degrees etc.

Most of the jobs in the job centre are really poor pay compared to nursing and I am scared to death of being on the dole forever.

I am feeling pretty low one minute and optimistic the next.

I can’t affird to do any big courses to retrain. I have debts ( about £ 7000 ) and a degree is out of the question.

One option is just to spend the rest of my life being a journey man and doing different jobs for the rest of my life, no matter how crappy they sound. That way I will get lots of new skills and even variety. Maybe I would even find a job I like. I have worked as a nurse for so long , I really have no experience in doing anything else.

Please please if anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it. Its christmas and I feel like my life has sunk like the titanic and at 38 I am not a young man or an old man.

Please help,

Paul

A brief background ( incase you are still reading)

I was bullied psychologically and physically at school from the age of 7 -15. I recieved no help or counselling and as a result I failed all my exams. Not for want of trying. I went to college and passed all the exams over 2 years and was all set for a career in law. Passed to Alevels and then met a girl. Got engaged and her family persuaded me to pack it in and get a job in a camping shop, which I hated. ( I was foolish, I should have told them to mind their own business. But foolishly I listened)

Then she lreft me for another guy and over the next months I lost my job, spent a while on the dole and then worked my way up in nursing.

And here I am all these years later.

I am sorry this question is so long and I really appreciate your time in reading it. But I just need some help and advice. I want to build my life up again.

Paul
I have also been think of perhaps training somehow to be a counseller, that way I can do something positive to help other people. Instead of looking back at my childhood in anger. Not sure if this is easy though.

I have spent the last 16 years in nursing. ( I originally went into nursing because I was unemployed and nobody would give me a job and I created a new career as a nurse for myself).

I have hated nursing, but have stuck with it because I have had two children to provide for and my wife has always worked part time. Now I have had enough.

I have lost my job as a nurse because I have fallen out with my employers. Because of something they have done – not me.

I don’t want to spend a single second working as a nurse again. I have worked in all kinds of nursing jobs. Medical wards, surgical wards, A &E, clinics , agency and bank etc

Now I feel like I am on the scrapheap at 38. I have just started to sign on and claim benefits but I just want to be happy and to have a happy job and career.

I have always wanted to write and that has always been my dream and I really hope to do that one day but it won’t pay the bills yet ! But I feel it is what I was born to do.

I do read the tarot cards and am thinking of trying my luck at doing it full time ( as a business) but don’t know if I can make enough money by doing that ? I do enjoy it. And I have made small amounts of money online by helping people with my readings.

I wouldn’t mind becoming a photographer but that seems a long way off and there doesn’t seem much chance of that making money. Considering I can’t even afford a flippin camera !
I wouldn’t mind becoming a freelance journalist for local papers but I’m not sure how I can go about getting stories and I have no journalism degrees etc.

Most of the jobs in the job centre are really poor pay compared to nursing and I am scared to death of being on the dole forever.

I am feeling pretty low one minute and optimistic the next.

I can’t affird to do any big courses to retrain. I have debts ( about £ 7000 ) and a degree is out of the question.

One option is just to spend the rest of my life being a journey man and doing different jobs for the rest of my life, no matter how crappy they sound. That way I will get lots of new skills and even variety. Maybe I would even find a job I like. I have worked as a nurse for so long , I really have no experience in doing anything else.

Please please if anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it. Its christmas and I feel like my life has sunk like the titanic and at 38 I am not a young man or an old man.

Please help,

Paul

A brief background ( incase you are still reading)

I was bullied psychologically and physically at school from the age of 7 -15. I recieved no help or counselling and as a result I failed all my exams. Not for want of trying. I went to college and passed all the exams over 2 years and was all set for a career in law. Passed to Alevels and then met a girl. Got engaged and her family persuaded me to pack it in and get a job in a camping shop, which I hated. ( I was foolish, I should have told them to mind their own business. But foolishly I listened)

Then she lreft me for another guy and over the next months I lost my job, spent a while on the dole and then worked my way up in nursing.

And here I am all these years later.

I am sorry this question is so long and I really appreciate your time in reading it. But I just need some help and advice. I want to build my life up again.

Paul
I have also been think of perhaps training somehow to be a counseller, that way I can do something positive to help other people. Instead of looking back at my childhood in anger. Not sure if this is easy though.

I started an online Masters degree in School Counseling when I was living overseas (I didnt know when I would come back to the US and I didnt want to waste time). The program is part of a brick and mortar school (it is not an online school). Well, I have finished ONE (1) year of the 2 1/2 year program and I came back to the US a few weeks ago. I came back because I applied to a University in my area to continue the Masters here in person. Well, I just found out that there were some glitches and not all of the credits will transfer. This means I will have to retake basically all of the courses and lose a year of study. Therefore, my options are

a) transfer to the University in person, BUT not finish until Summer 2012.
b) continue online, but finish in Summer 2011.

I liked the idea of meeting people and taking classes in person, but this means i have to repeat an entire year of grad study…Either way, I have a 6 month internship as part of the program, so I will meet people then. this decision has made me sick, what do you think?