I’m 15 years old and I don’t know what kind of career I should pursue. And I’m starting to panic about it.
I’m not really expecting anyone to read the ridiculously huge chunks of text coming up. I’m just trying to sort out the mess in my brain by putting it into words. (Last time I put this question in the career section and got a ton of advertising people, so…I’m not sure which section belongs in)
I’m in 9th grade, taking all Honors classes. My GPA is a 3.8. I’m taking the SAT II Subject test for Biology this June. I plan to take other AP tests, like AP Chinese, later in high school. My annual standarized test scores (STAR test scores, dunno if it’s different in other states) are usually good, I often get 600s. I’m a GATE1 student, meaning my IQ is supposedly over 140.
But I hate school…My school is suffocatingly competitive. I’m tired of competing with the girl who plays the piano and violin, is on the Debate and Badminton team, volunteers at a local museum, speaks 4 languages, and still manages a 4.0 GPA (I’m not exaggerating!). I routinely fall asleep studying…None of the subject matter is even remotely interesting to me. To get the grades I have, I have to try so hard I’m stressed out all the time.
People, teachers, classmates, parents volunteering, have been telling me since preschool that I should become an artist when I grow up. From a ridiculously young age I’ve been associating drawing with pleasure and praise. I don’t just like drawing…I feel like I’d die if I couldn’t. It’s like a stress reliever for me.
When I can’t draw, I feel anxious and my hands start shaking. I can’t really suppress the impulse to draw, even in the middle of taking tests! Some of the answer sheets I get back are comical — There are beautifully detailed drawings in the margins — The world map in front of me, the trashcan in the corner, the guy who sits in front of me, all of my teachers. And then you look further down the paper, and I didn’t have time to finish the last few problems.
I learn by trial and error. But I always improve a lot when I have the time to practice, like over breaks, just sketching whatever comes to mind, copying pictures from magazines, or speed-drawing with 30-second online pose generators. I look at my drawings a month or two apart, and it looks like they were done by two different people. If I spent less time on my studies, I think I could easily be as good as a professional artist. It’s my dream to go to some sort of art school after graduating.
I know it’s a really, really bad idea to become an artist. I know probably 90% of them starve on the streets and die in misery. Even many great artists aren’t appreciated until they’re already dead. Then their works sell for millions, but of course it makes no difference to the already-dead artists. It’s a cruel world. Following my bliss could be the end of me.
But what discourages me even more than that is my dad.
He’s a Stanford graduate who makes missiles for the government. He tells me to study more or I’ll be like my older sister (who’s becoming a doctor) who "ONLY" got accepted my Berkeley, UCLA, and UC Davis. He made me study 4 hours a day on spring BREAK. Quote: "Good thing there’s Stress-free week, then you can study for the SAT." He gave me a lecture when I was in elementary school about how I should read nonfiction books instead of fiction because I’ll actually learn from them.
He’s threatened that if I don’t choose a career path soon, he’ll choose one for me himself. He will be REALLY angry if I say I want to be an artist. I’m afraid he’d hit me.
I don’t know what to do. It’s smartest for me to just forget about art and become an accountant or doctor or something…Maybe just a little art in my spare time, but definitely not for a living. But my heart isn’t attached to my brain. Irrationally, I still want to become an artist. I don’t know why I’m crying, this is stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID
If there’s still anyone who’s still there after reading my ridiculously long question, I would like some serious advice. Talk some sense into me. Please. I really don’t know what to do.
Thank you, and please have a nicer day than I did.
Yeah, as I stated from the beginning, I didn’t expect anyone to read all of that. And most of you didn’t. Thank you, the few of you who did!
And…I’m pretty amazed that someone thought my endless run-on question was INTERESTING o.o
Hmm…So I should either
a) become an artist and be poor but happy
or
b) don’t think about it because I’m young…
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